Pre-Therapy:
Post-Therapy:
I went to see my niece in a musical, Oliver. She was outstanding. In the intermission my wife and I nipped to the school toilets with a bunch of other women. Washing her hands while I was still in a cubicle, she called out to ask whether I was still in the toilet.
I went to call back. I hesitated. I was in a school toilet in a place where no one knew I was trans. If I spoke, I’d be instantly clocked and disaster could well follow. Staying safe meant, as it often did, staying quiet.
I immediately booked my first appointment with Vox Humana.
Celia was everything you could want in a professional helping you feminise your voice. She was sensitive, kind, but also honest. Celia wasn’t about to blow smoke up my arse and if I didn’t sound quite right, I knew I could trust her to let me know. We found my baseline, where I was starting from, and I rolled my eyes internally every time I spoke. I didn’t hate my voice, I do a lot of public speaking and I couldn’t lament a voice that could carry my message to countless audiences in podcasts, teaching and training around the country…
But it wasn’t mine.
We got to work. I started to record my progress every single day of practice. For a while, around recordings 20-50, my vocalisations sounded forced, less like my voice than where I started. I needed to take frequent pauses to yawn and stretch out the muscles. I’d thoughtlessly dip down into older registers quicker than I could intervene. But I persisted. We persisted.
145 recordings later I can hear the difference. Other people who haven’t seen me in a while remark upon the difference. I go back to hearing my best efforts in the first few recordings and I still can’t believe the difference. My voice is now smooth, effortless, feminine.
I went to a restaurant with a friend recently and we went to the toilets together. She started talking to me between the cubicles. I smiled. I spoke back to her.
This is my voice.